Nothing wrong with making a wrong turn

Today at youth, we talked about mistakes. How it can be your teacher and how it can be your downfall. Mistakes give us knowledge and wisdom. It teaches us to be humble. It gives us the heart to love the broken. It makes us strong enough to help pull up those who are deep in the murk. It leads us to the right path.

Mistakes, however, when done repeatedly is not only stupid but it's really... stupid. It hurts us and robs us of many many things. Need I say more?

People, however, tend to look only at the bad side of making mistakes. They then tend to lock themselves up and live safe lives. Safe and meaningless. They never actually learned anything.

What's the point then of living if you don't?

"This isn't the time to make hard and fast decisions; this is a time to make mistakes. Take the wrong train and get stuck somewhere. Fall in love... a lot. Major in philosophy, because there's no way to make a career out of that. Change your mind, and change it again, because nothing's permanent. So, make as many mistakes as you can. That way, someday, when they ask what we want to be, we won't have to guess... we'll know."

-Jessica, Eclipse

There's nothing wrong with making a wrong turn, at least now you know. Though, I should say, if you already know it's wrong... let's not be stupid and do it anyway. That's just plain... stupid. It's also a waste of time.

Well anyway, I'm off to live life. If I stumble over a rock and fall, then I shall welcome the bruises and stand back up again. Moving forward, I will no longer see the same rock. Though if I should see another, I know well enough not to stumble over it again. It's time to stumble over something else. Like flowers, maybe (if such are enough to make us fall).

Letting it all out

Last Thursday, I was a part of the "Kapihan with JCCI leaders Batch 4" and one thing I remember which they all consistently talked about was passion.

Last Friday, I was reading my "Daily devotions" and it was about finding your language, or to make it clearer... passion.

Today, I witnessed the life of someone full of passion at work (and not just literally).

These instances, and a few others in between, made me think about my post last 12-12-2009. I don't know if I was able to find my passion or if I lost it (assuming I had one already).

I think I stopped trying.

I guess that's one of the reasons why I felt exhausted (according to the JCCI leaders) or why I felt like I'm not in the right place (according to my Daily devotional book). It may all have been because of my passion.

I think what hits the most is the sermon last Sunday. It all boils down to my passion for God. I'm not going to lie, but I know that I hid it safely in a box somewhere. Which is wrong.

I want to open that box again, to let it all out.

Starting NOW.

Of postures and word vomits

Just spent my evening (yester...night) with two of my high school friends. We just realized that the last time we chilled or even just talked (virtually or not) was almost a year. Still, I love how we can still talk like we were just together the day before, like nothing changed.

We spent the first half of the night at Greenbelt and had the funniest conversations due to our inability to hear each other. There were just too many people in Greenbelt that time. The usual me then suggested that we go to Starbucks Dela Rosa then as I've grown to love the place so much. As of the moment it is one of my happy places. Finally, we had a decent conversation over coffee and a peaceful environment (which we totally disturbed).

I enjoyed our small time together and realized how much I missed them. I remember how my colleague got a quote from work today which said:

"If we don't spend regular, quality time with those we love including God, our relationships will be shallow, meaningless and unfulfilling."

We've spent so much time together before that our friendship grew roots which goes deep. That made us overcome the threat of distance. Still, as we were not able to spend quality time together for a long time, we actually knew very little of each other. I hope it would not lead to a time when our friendship will be considered "meaningless". We should see each other more often.

I am very thankful to God as He has blessed me much with true friends. Hope to meet up with them again; soon and with the others as well.

Tearing down walls

I was able to read back to one of my older posts about how we should start building bridges and stop building walls. That in every relationship, communication is really important. When we do communicate, we should do so in truth. Always being honest and not leaving things unsaid. Sometimes though, we usually tell others one thing and leave the rest behind. I tend to do the same thing when I talk with God. I usually talk with Him about the big things and leave the small ones, not because I think He does not care much about it, but because I feel ashamed that I would even open up those small things. I forget that He is the God of everything, big and small.

I always remind myself to just tell Him everything. So I do, and I just love the way He responds to it. I love how He is so hands-on and how He is so interested in every detail of our lives. I remember reading the book by Eric and Leslie Ludy "When God Writes Your Love Story", where they say that the most common misconception of most is that God does not care much about our love story. Totally the opposite. We were made to love. God loves us and He is very much hands-on when it comes to our love story.

So when I told Him my small concern, He reminded me of His promise and to whom I am talking to. He promised that He will answer all my questions and that He has prepared someone for me. One who will pursue me, who will delight in me, and will fight for me. One who will break all the lies the devil is telling me. He reminded me that He is at work, but that there are also some things that I need to work at as well. That I need to stop building walls and to stop building towers but to completely surrender it all to Him and to tear down the walls of my tower.

"Unless a woman realizes God’s call and promise to her, she can never understand a man’s call to her. And unless a woman surrenders her tower to God, He cannot fully save her from herself and the lies of the Devil." - Sean, God an You (The Story about every woman)

As we GO

I was reading an article about the "end times" and how we are getting closer and closer towards that moment. The article focused on the signs, all of which were prophesied in the Bible, and it challenged us to make a move. To stop being complacent and start running the race towards the finish line bringing more people as we go.

I realized then how much time I am wasting. Every second is critical, yet I waste it. Even if we say that we are busy, that should not stop us from serving god and sharing of His love. I remember when Ptr. Woody preached at LJBC about the "Great Commission". He said that it should be the "Everyday Commission"; that as we go we should make disciples. As we commute, as we work, as we buy or do whatever it is that we do, we should stay in the presence of God and we should make disciples. As we go about our usual business, we should remember to always be in God's light, so that when people see us, they see God.

We do not know the exact time when Jesus will return, but we know that He will return and so we must prepare. We must stop wasting our time and start doing what God wants us to do.

Running the Race

I just noticed that I haven't had a single post for February. So let this be my first (and possibly last) for February. I just want to say, I wish I have a vacation. SOON. I don't know why but I am really tired lately. :(


I also just want to say how excited I am for this Sunday. I haven't been to our church's service for this past 3 Sundays. I went to HCF for one Sunday and was at Sunday school on the other two days. Even though I know I missed a lot, I also know that I learned a lot and was really blessed in Sunday school and HCF.

God also reminded me of an old Christian song while in HCF that rings true to me and is one song that I would be singing a lot.

WE'LL BE FAITHFUL

Forgetting what lies behind
Setting our hearts on the prize
Always keeping our eyes on our Lord Jesus
We're running the race to win
All the way to the end
Breaking down every sin that would seek to hinder us

And we'll be faithful to our calling
For you are able to keep us from falling
For in your promise, we will trust
We'll be faithful to finish
The work You began in us. 

So even though I am tired, I'll keep going. God is my strength and He is more than able to keep me from falling. He mapped out a very beautiful plan for me and I will continue to follow Him all the days of my life.

Change, I welcome thee.

A lot will change and I am learning how to welcome it.

A lot is changing and I am currently welcoming it.

I am looking forward to the time when I will say that a lot has changed and I welcomed it well.

Angela, God wants you to know that...

There is an application in Facebook called "God wants you to know" which gives you daily insights on, well... what God wants you to know. Even though it is just an application, I still believe that God talks to us through it as well. I only open it on certain days, and on those certain days, the messages are really "sakto". It is usually so timely and exact that we cannot really ignore the fact that God is trying to talk to us through it (I'm guessing it is because most of us are turning into Facebook zombies and tend to neglect everything else).

Lately, as written on my previous post, I am going through certain paths in my life that I am really not used to. I suddenly felt like using the application one day and realized that God was telling me something, and He keeps on talking to me about it continuously.

I want to write it all down here so that it would not get lost in the flood of posts. So lately, God wanted me to know that:

(1) there is no need to obsess over a decision. God has more in store for us than we can ever predict, and what we fear are bad choices frequently turn out for the best, because our hidden aspirations know better where we are going than our rational minds.

(2) you are not to shut love out of your life by saying it is impossible to find and keep. The quickest way to find love is to give love. If you want it too badly, you will not find it. The most secure way to keep love is to give it space and care to grow. If you hold it too tightly, you will lose it.

(3) your task is not to seek for love, but to seek and melt all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. God loves you with the very air you breath, the very light that touches your skin, the very ground that supports you. Love is everywhere, - ...melt your barriers, and you will have love in abundance.

You can just see the connection and the progression. You will also see what was going on in my head around those days. I was obsessing over it too much hence number 1. I kept thinking that it is impossible to keep which is why I would not bother anymore hence number 2. Number 2 wants me to give love and give it space and care to grow, but there are so many barriers within me that stops me from doing so hence number 3. I am sure that there would be a number 4, 5, 6... N.

Until then... I just want to burst!

Defining Moments

Defining moments.

That was the main topic for today's message. That there are certain moments in our lives which would eventually define who we are and change lives. These moments may be good or not, but that fact is not as important. What is important is how we react or what decisions we make.

Recently (and actually up until now), I have been facing certain crossroads in life wherein I had to make a decision. It has been really hard since what I want is usually different from what God wants. To be honest, it was and still is hard to fully surrender to God; but I found that He really knows what is best for me and He has everything planned out. HE KNOWS. That fact makes me confident of whatever I am facing and whatever lies ahead of me.

Sometimes, however, I tend to forget all these things and I find myself struggling once again in trusting God. There are certain things that holds us back like sometimes we act as if we control our lives, sometimes we want us to be the one doing everything, or sometimes we let our past hold us back. I am guilty of all of the above.

I am still having a hard time. Especially since I am still on the road, far away from the destination, with no map, no itinerary, no whatsoever. If, however, I want to have a stronger relationship with God, I have to really learn how to fully let go and to trust in Him. Complete surrender. I am still learning, and every day I pray that I would not veer away from Him.

Right now, this is one of my defining moments. Wherein I will choose to fully surrender all to God, to follow His road and to stop negating Him. I will lay down everything to Him. To be perfectly honest, it is really scary, but whenever I think about what He has mapped out for me, I feel really excited.

This 2010, I am ready to go on another journey with my Heavenly Father.

Heart and Soul

I need to find my passion again.

Wait.

Slash that.

I need to find my passion.

And by passion I meant my heart and soul. Something that I know I was shaped for. One that God has placed in my heart, and one that only I am supposed to do. Not in a sense that only I can do it, but in a way that it will be different from all the other things God has asked others to do.

I was made to worship God.

That I know.

That I am passionate about.

Maybe that is enough.

I don't know. I may be thinking about things too much. Maybe.

God's best gift

I remember talking to a friend about what I look for in a guy, and not just any guy but my perfect man. Of course there were the usual requirements; like being a God-fearing person, good, loving, etcetera etcetera etcetera. We have all been so picky that we have a hard time finding the right one because we always compare them with our "perfect man". Not just that, but we tire ourselves out just to look for him.

All the things we do just for love.

So starting today, I will not tire myself out by looking for him all the time (or by trying to make sure that the person I like fits the category). It is a good thing though that God is involved in my love story; and not just merely involved but He is the author of my love story. I am sure that He has prepared the best man for me who I will come to know in His best time as well.

Thinking about it though made me realize how much I have been blind. You see, everything I look for in a guy I can actually find in Jesus Christ. He is the perfect man, not just for me but for all of us! Wow! That actually made me feel more at peace knowing that I do not have to live life like I have no one, because I actually do.

Cheers to a very romantic life with Christ and His perfect "gift" to all of us.

Humpty Dumpty's choice

Yesterday, after so many long unmeasurable years, I tried joining our church's fellowship once again. This time however I am now part of the "singles" and not with the "youths". While we were making plans for the upcoming Simbang Gabi our pastor was talking to me about the life story of one our new church member. How he fell in love and fell apart. His story truly was one of deep hurt and sadness. One that even just the thought would really break ones heart. Imagine having your first and last true love die at a very young age.

I would really be torn apart if that happens. I would be broken into pieces without anyone knowing how to fix me, how to put me back together again. Just like Humpty Dumpty. All the Kings men would not be able to help at all; but the King could. Our King could and would if we want Him to and if He wills it. Our King wanted to help us from the very beginning, it was just really up to us whether we want to be fixed or if we want to stay broken. It is our choice. I would leave this entry here so we could all think. This is not just for those who are heartbroken but for everyone who is broken. One of the things I always tell myself is just to let go and let God.

Let go and let GOD.

Saving Angela

“My greatest disappointments in life are when I ask anyone or anything other than Jesus Christ to be my savior.” -- Jon Acuff

This is one truth that I have always known, but in all honesty, it is also one that I always tend to forget. There are times when I start to create expectations out of certain things turning it into a "must" and thinking that it will eventually turn things around for me or make things better. Jon Acuff describes this one as "having savior moments".

I used to think that if only I have a/an (insert expensive trendy "it" item here) it would at least make me even a bit happier. Just a bit because I still have the brains to remember that temporary things will never complete us, especially since it is temporary.

I used to think that if only I have a boyfriend, then I would not have lonely days, and he would be able to ease all my hurts, and fill up the empty space in my heart.

I used to think that if only I have a job, I would have the money and it would make things better for me. It would make me happier and it would make me a better person. Having a job would also say good things about me, right?

I used to think a lot of things would help me but that is and never will be the case.

If we always put our trust in temporary things, in relationships, and whatnot, then surely we would really end up dissapointed. All these things will soon disappear, it will soon fail, it will soon fall short of our expectations. Only Christ can save us. Only Christ can change us. Only Christ can make a difference in our lives. This is the truth I've always known, this is the truth that God keeps reminding us over and over again. I hope from now on I won't need to be reminded once again and that I will always place my trust in God and look to Him first and foremost.

Job hunting

I'm getting really tired of looking for a job. Well, I haven't really searched for so long, but the constant silent rejections, transfers, and whatnot is just so emotionally draining. Okay, maybe I am just over reacting, I guess it is just the hormones talking. I hate pms. :(

I know God has prepared the perfect job just for me, I just have to believe and trust Him. Though it is hard to keep moving forward, I will always cast all my cares upon Him and rest in His promises. Okay, I'm fine now. :)

A commitment to wait

When God wants you to remember something, He reminds you. And he keeps doing so until you understand. Which is exactly why I am wondering why I was able to read another blog about waiting for God's best and why I received a recycled paper with a True Love Waits Commitment at the back. Hmm... I wonder why.









So here are the five commitments of true love waits as written in the paper:

- To God: Matthew 22:37 - Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

- To Yourself: Matthew 22:39 - And the second is like it: 'Love your neighbor as yourself.'

- To Your Family: Philippians 4:5 - Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near.

- To Your Friends: John 15:13 - Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.

- To Your Future Mate and Children: 2 Timothy 2:22 - Flee the evil desires of youth, and pursue righteousness, faith, love and peace, along with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.

And with that, "Believing that true love waits, I make a commitment to God, myself, my family, my friends, my future mate, and my future children to a lifetime of purity including sexual abstinence from this day until the day I enter a biblical marriage relationship."

I shall now say, Ok ok ok... :)

Crying in Secret

This is a story about three little kids who dreamed big dreams and hoped with all their heart to attain it. Each of them wakes up with a smile on their face knowing that the new day is another step nearer their goal.

One dreams of becoming a Doctor.

The other, a Lawyer.

The last kid wants to be the President.

And we smile. We smile because we want them to achieve those dreams. We smile because we see the hope in their eyes. We smile because we know that they can achieve their goals.

Isn't this such a wonderful story? I just feel so happy for them and I am looking forward to what their future holds. Wait. Let me add another touching element to this story.

They all live in Uganda.

Now my eyes are starting to swell up. They have hope, even if they live in a very tough land. They still dream no matter what condition they were born in. And they work hard for it. Real hard. I know how you feel, you are so touched and proud of them right? You just want to cheer them on and hope that nothing or nobody will ever take that dream away from them. Everything is going fine until a stranger pokes you in the back and whispers, "Not all endings are happy". Way to go weird and ominous stranger for ruining the moment! So you tell on the stranger and say, "Not with my God! With Him all endings are happy ones! You just wait and see." And so we continue with the story of the three wonderful little kids.

One seemingly perfect and peaceful night children from different families were abducted and our three friends were part of those taken. They were dragged and tortured once they try to escape and they were forced into becoming soldiers. Child soldiers. For their first task they were each asked to murder the person their abductors tell them to, they were threatened to death if they choose to disobey. These children, being so young and not knowing what to do, scared of dying they hold their first gun and...

With their first kill they are now considered good soldiers and because they are good soldiers their abductors must make sure that they would stay. Without the children knowing, they murder their family and tells the kids that something bad happened to their family. This way, the kids have no place to call home and nobody to run to. Now all that they are left to do is to cry. Cry their heart out. Cry out all their pains. Cry in secret. In secret because if they were caught crying, if the kids were caught thinking of home, they would be beaten up badly.

In one night their lives changed instantly and took a u-turn. In an instant, their dreams were shattered. And hope? They don't even understand the word anymore. They lost all their hope. You can just hear the stranger laughing behind you and saying his I-told-you-so speech. The sad part is, these kids start to doubt God and stopped calling on His name. It's hard to say that there is hope, because for them the future is just so dark and empty. But we know better, there is hope! THERE IS HOPE! Our hearts break seeing how hopeless these kids are and how some of them do not even hear about the fact that there is a light at the end of the tunnel. We all yearn for a happy ending for all of them.

The Lord's Resistance Army (LRA) alone in Uganda abducted 10,000 children and used them as soldiers and even sex slaves. There are around 250,000 child soldiers for rebel groups and government forces in various countries. The number increases as the number of armed forces increase as well. 250,000 kids. These kids need to know that there is hope that with God all endings are happy. I urge you to reach out, to help and to pray. Give your best in doing so, whatever it is, they need it, they need you, they need God. Whatever is in your power to do, do it.

Now I do not want to leave you thinking about the story and how those three kids were left hopeless. No, I also want each of you to have faith and to really really know in your heart that there is hope.

There are people like you and me who went and rescued these kids from harms way. They rescued them, sheltered and fed them, took care of them, and made sure that everything is going to be okay. While doing so they all shared God's word and his hope. The children were not only rehabilitated but they also found peace, joy, and hope once again. Now that is a wonderful ending slash beginning. It really warms my heart knowing that with God all things are beautiful.

Now I wonder where the stranger went, guess he couldn't face defeat.

* Watched this story in the Daystar channel and cried buckets of tears.
The picture was taken from http://joshuadysart.com

From a bad past to a future full of hope

I was watching a documentary about a serial killer and they basically talked about his confessions, how many he killed, how he tortured or raped them before killing them, and all other very disturbing details. Indeed, it was very very disturbing especially after finding out that those who know him (and obviously does not have any idea on his killing spree) describe him as the sweetest and nicest boy-next-door type of guy. Imagine being neighbors with a serial killer for years and not knowing about it! I have also read about different stories of drug users, what it made them do and the damage it has done in their lives, their families, and people around them. Most of them committed numerous crimes, are wanted in different states, sold their bodies and a lot more just for drugs. Drugs that some of them never even wanted in the first place.

There are a lot of things that are happening in this world which are very disturbing and/or heartbreaking, most of which are connected with each other. In the documentary and the stories, there was something I found in common, when they addressed the root problem it was mostly related to something that happened in their childhood. This is not always the case, however it is one of the biggest reason found in most cases. The serial killer had an alcoholic father who abused him and used him everytime he gets home. The drug addict also had an addict as a mother, she sold her for more drugs. The others? Neglected.

A bad past led to a worse present, do we want an even worst future? I'm asking this not just for us, or for others who are affected, but also for them. Child abuse and exploitation is very rampant, statistics show an estimated 0f 150 million girls and 73 million boys under 18 are experiencing different forms of forced sexual intercourse and/or violence, 1.8 million are forced into prostitution and/or pornography, 1.2 million are trafficked, 250,000 are turned into child soldiers, and 218 million are forced to work even in dangerous environments. These statistics were reported years ago by the UN and WHO, all are also increasing in number, and these are only estimates. What about the others? those who were neglected, those who were left to die?

What we do with these kids affect their lives and our lives, so while they are young we should not hesitate to do something about it and to help them. Jesus said in Matthew 19:14, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these." (NIV) Do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to them. The kingdom of heaven is beautiful, it is peaceful, safe, full of joy, and wonderful in so many words. Such a place exists for them, it belongs to them and we should not take it away from them. There are so many children who needs hope. Just around the corner you'll see them. It is time to stop ignoring them. This is a reminder not just for you but also for me and everyone else who could do something about it even in little ways. Volunteer. Help raise awareness. Whatever is in your power to do, do it.

Jesus said, "Whoever welcomes one of these little children in my name welcomes me; and whoever welcomes me does not welcome me but the one who sent me."

- Mark 9:37, NIV

On Fireflies and Firefly

"I'd like to make myself believe
that planet Earth turns slowly
Its hard to say that I'd rather stay awake when I'm asleep
'Cause everything is never as it seems"
-Fireflies by Owl City

I really like Fireflies by Owl City. I loved it ever since the first time I heard it and to satisfy my musical craving I asked my younger sister to download it. At that time however we still do not know who sang it; so my sister typed in "Firefly" (Which was already a mistake) and there were several artists who had such a song. Not knowing who really sang it she downloaded from two different artists who sounded like they could be the right one. It was obviously none of them, since the real title of the song is "Fireflies". Later on, we were able to download the one I really wanted plus, from that minor mistake I learned to love a new song.

Now I may sound like I'm blabbering on again, but I do have a point; it's not much of a point but it is somewhat like a point. I am always afraid of making mistakes thinking that it will always lead to an undesirable result. That however is not always the case, sometimes mistakes can open us to newer possibilities, it can show us things we've never seen before. In my case, this tiny mistake which made a great big difference also led me to find a new song to love. It's great how God reminds us of a lot of things even from the simplest things in life, things that we don't usually notice as well. Were always usually so busy we forget to just pause to take a deep breath and look around. I pray that we never miss God's simple reminders from all our small or big daily activities, that we never forget that God is always at work in our lives.

"It’d take a thousand colors just to paint your eyes
Like saving grace, they raise me up to paradise
This ain’t opinion, it’s consensus from my heart and mind
You make me happy to be alive"
-Firefly by Jimmy Needham

Dreaming Dreams

As graduation draws nearer I can't help but think about what really is next. I tried my best to postpone such thoughts, however it keeps coming back. To be honest, I don't really know what I want to happen next. I have no idea what I want, what my dreams are, or whatever one may call it; it's a good thing God planned out everything or else I might just be in deep deep trouble. I may have no dreams for myself, but God gave me dreams for His glory, and I consider that dream to be my dream. And when God gives us dreams, we are certain that it will surely come to pass.

Now, I know it is really hard to be sure of certain things, especially when our current situation seems to disagree greatly of such dreams. It is so frustratingly disappointing! But God knows best, He knows when the perfect time is for that dream to happen. The moments that we think nothing is happening may be the exact moments that He uses to prepare us for our dreams. With that in mind, we should embrace every moment knowing that we are getting nearer to what God has prepared for us.

Embracing every moment however, does not mean that we can sit around and wait for it to happen. No. If God gave you the dream that you will dance, nothing will ever really happen if you don't practice. God does not want us to be idle. He wants us to believe, to expect, to trust in Him, and to prepare for the wonderful future He planned for us, for the dream He gave us.

Now what?

Kind of excited for my sister's wedding, however I still don't have anything to wear. So here I am looking at gowns. Hmm... what to wear? what to wear?