Sunday, May 31, 2009

19 blessed years

I am learning more and more each day. Being with my best friend, He teaches me a lot of things which He knows I would want and need to learn and understand. He is so great; for 19 years He has blessed me so much and never even left me no matter what. He really is the very best friend one could ever have. :)

Sunday, May 17, 2009

A "buzz" from the past

Today I was able to chat with an old friend of mine from Korea and once again I am filled with memories and hopes of going back there. How I really wish I could just leave right now and visit them even just for a few days, but then even if I do go back everything will be different from when I was there. I don't think I would be able to go back to the dormitory, climb the same mountain to school, hang out under the same tree, and possibly everything else I miss and loved. But I still do want to go back. I really do.

Saturday, May 16, 2009

I'm Not Who I Was

Just recently while I was spending time with God, He told me to open my journal and just start reading from the beginning. You don't know how much of a shock it was (and still is) reading back on every entry I wrote. It was like walking down memory lane yet confused whether or not that memory was true. I started to laugh, to cry, to be annoyed, and every other possible emotion one can have just from reading my journal. One thing though that I cannot shake off is the fact that I do not want to believe that it all happened, and that I felt all those emotions. I cannot believe that I was the person writing all those things; I felt totally different, like I am not the same person.

God wanted me to see how amazing His love is and how much He has changed me. He wanted me to remember His grace and every moment that happened that lead us to this very chapter in my life. God really is amazing.

I wish you could see me now
I wish I could show you how
I’m not who I was
-"I'm not who I was" by Brandon Heath

Friday, May 15, 2009

Exactly how I expected it to start

It's always the first entry that gets me so annoyed since somehow it always has to be something good and I never have anything good to say at all! Still, since this is not my first blog (since I purposely deleted the one previous to this) and since this is not my only blog (I have another for a different yet unknown purpose: I am rid of the expectation (from myself) that my first entry should be good.

Just today my professor in Economics talked about the Rational Expectation Theory which is basically a school of thought where they believe that the end result depends on what people expect to happen. People generally have an understanding of how the economy works and that affects how they behave now; their behavior now actually affects future outcomes and somehow just makes their expectations come true. A very good example of this is the exchange rate "the value of a currency and its rate of depreciation depend partly on what people expect that rate of depreciation to be. That is because people rush to desert a currency that they expect to lose value, thereby contributing to its loss in value."*

Usually, this would have skipped through my mind, but for some strange reason I can't stop thinking about it. Somehow, this theory is not only true for Economics but also true for most parts in life. We expect that tomorrow will be a good day, and we behave in such a way that would really make tomorrow a good day, a.k.a Optimism. However, we were told that we are not to expect since expectations are usually not met. If we agree to this, then somehow we are expecting that what we are supposedly expecting will not come true. So, if we expect tomorrow to be a good day, yet we act as if somehow there is a possibility that it will not come true, then we in turn may create the possibility into a reality.

I don't really know where I am going, somehow we can see that this will just go in circles if I continue thinking about it (or better yet that I will just lose my sense, which I don't know if I had one to begin with) and with that I concluded not to expect at all. I did not conclude so because people say that we'll just get hurt if we expect and it did not happen, but I concluded so because there really is just no sense in making my brain hurt about such things (like the future) if we can just enjoy our now.

That's looking at it in a worldly perspective of mine, spiritually, I have no idea. Somehow whenever I expect, I go way ahead of what God's plan really is. Maybe I expected right or maybe not, which is totally not the point, but if I do so I am not focusing on what God wants me to focus on instead I am making assumptions and going way ahead of Him. Then again, we are told to have faith in His plans, to believe that it will come to life, then isn't that expecting? Then expecting is a good thing. I guess it just depends on how one defines expecting, or how one really makes use of it. I really don't know, I'm just going through all of these like everyone else, but I guess the best thing to do is to just do what you are told to do. If God tells me to expect, then i shall expect, but only to the extent where I am allowed to expect so as not to go way ahead of His plans.

To conclude all of this, my mind really is weird. :|

* Sargent, Thomas. (n.d.). Rational Expectations. Retrieved on May 15, 2009 from the Library of Economics and Liberty website:

A Verse to Remember

"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture."

- Psalm 100:3 (NIV)

And I Quote

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased"

- C.S. Lewis