Sunday, June 7, 2009

Now what do I do?

I was thinking of why exactly did I write "Stop. Rewind." as a title for this blog and "Pause. Just for a moment." for my other blog and realized simply that I use both blog for exactly that purpose (according to the titles). I use the other blog to pause just for a moment, to notice some of the things I need to notice; like when you pause to look at the horizon or to smell flowers. Somehow I use this blog to stop and rewind, to try and understand (maybe); to look back or to simply remember those "pause moments". I don't exactly have a clear distinction between both blogs but somehow there's still a pattern that follows for each; so here I am rewinding a bit on what I saw on that very moment I paused.

There's this Garfield comic strip (minus Garfield) I've read lately where Jon Arbuckle wakes up to a good morning and lies back down again wondering "Now what do I do?". It sucks having to ask that question because somehow I feel like I always have to know what to do, that I should have plans laid out for today or for my future, but then that is not always the case for me. Like Jon Arbuckle, I have had days when I wake up to a good morning and lie down again realizing that there's nothing really more I can do or that I don't know exactly what to do.

There are a lot of topics I can cover just based on the previous paragraph, like how God wants us to live our lives, or about the best laid plans, or about asking a different question, etc. I guess if I would like to... I'll try to blog about all those things someday but for this one it's a different thing. For quite some time (and I guess a bit until now) I have had a lot of "free time", everyone's always busy, always out, always whatever that somehow I am stuck at home (or wherever I am at the moment) and alone. I don't have a boyfriend so I don't have someone who I can just call and ask to be with me right then and there. I used to hate that loneliness. I hated the feeling of not knowing what to do next, or I guess, what to do right now.

I never would have thought that God was using my loneliness. In my loneliness I grew closer to Him. I've had more intimate times with Him because of that loneliness. Also, He made me discover a lot of things I never would have noticed if I was not in that state. There was so much pain in that loneliness but even more joy because of it. Just another example of how God uses what we consider a bad thing for something really really good. Now, I've learned to love that loneliness (ok maybe not love but more of to not feel bad about it), though it still really makes me yearn more for my future heart. Now what do I do? I guess I still don't have good answers for that just that I'll enjoy the entire day with my heavenly father and continue on with this journey.


Post a Comment

A Verse to Remember

"Know that the LORD is God. It is he who made us, and we are his; we are his people, the sheep of his pasture."

- Psalm 100:3 (NIV)

And I Quote

"When I have learnt to love God better than my earthly dearest, I shall love my earthly dearest better than I do now. In so far as I learn to love my earthly dearest at the expense of God and instead of God, I shall be moving towards the state in which I shall not love my earthly dearest at all. When first things are put first, second things are not suppressed but increased"

- C.S. Lewis